MY atonement.
youtube, Samurai X:Reflection parts 7and8.

and...

HEART OF THE SUNRISE.*
To all of you, in the name of the Vera Family, I would like to give you a warm welcome TO Our Family, since now we all shared an everlasting bond. A bond which is far greater that my brother in his wildest dreams could have ever imagined. And a what dreamer he was.

WE CAN'T EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW GREAT ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN FOR THE FIVE OF US. LENDING US YOUR STRENGHT AND SHARING OUR EMOTIONS, EVERYONE, PRESENT OR NOT PRESENT, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN TO US, THANK YOU. FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS. EVERYONE WHO HELPED, FOUGHT, CRIED AND BELIEVED. FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS AND PURE THOUGHTS WE ARE FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

Now, brothers and sisters, I ask for you permission to tell you how I Feel.

I started thinking about this words as I was leaving room 252 (**) -a more than fitting number for my brothers room- having just witnessed my brother's chest trembling, struggling to breath while his numbers all around in the monitor screen continued their inevitable and unstoppable descent. At times it was just unbearable for me to watch this unfold before my own eyes and sometimes I would just disappear to gather myself, yet no matter how hard I tried to hide this punishing and freightning truth kept manifesting itself in the most untimely terms. As I walked off the room, I tried to stay away of these thoughts and tried to sweep them aside by reminding myself THERE WAS STILL A CHANCE AND THAT ONLY GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY. By then I was at work and that image would not escape my mind, heart or soul, that’s when I realize that I should begin writing this, ‘I’d be cheating, I’d be cheating him and our promise!’ For you see, I had made my older brother promise me to hang on, that no matter what happened his WILL TO LIVE would remain unflappable and untouched, I had learned that not only in cancer but in any point when in the crossroads when life and death meet THE WILL TO LIVE IT’S ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL and one’s survival depends on that more oftern that not. He PROMISED ME THAT HOLDING MY HAND AND I WOULD NOT LET HIM DOWN.

For me it’s amazing that for such a reserved, private and inward man he managed to touch in his unique way the life’s of so many… Amazing Yet not surprising. A life’s not lived for others is not a life and for that He was the true embodiment of unselfishness in his way. A perfect example of toughness, He knew that something was wrong yet he never complained. Responsible, He was sick so many times yet he almost never missed a day (he might have been very late several days and fallen sleep many times while working but he never missed them! *for the RAC guys!*). He was shy… the shiest person I’ve ever met met also the sweetwest one. He was magnetic in a way, people were drown to him and especially children, they could relate to The unforgettable innocence only his eyes could emanate. He was my older brother, and I respected him. We may not have spent countless times together but the ones we did for me were just unique. Just as he was. He was the cornerstone of our family. No matter how turbulent the times he stood strong. And throughout his time in the hospital that was my tribute to him. Here lays MY older brother, the one who paved the way for me, the one who took many of the first blows anywhere we went, throughout his life my life was made easier because of him and his reputation always followed me, he taught me many things everyday especially what not to do. what else could I ask for? Because of that, I admired him thus never wanted to let him down and his thoughts about his little brother always mattered soooo much to me!!! Wether I did right or wrong I always wanted to look at his eyes, his opinions were always there for everyone to see. For me it was more than enough for him to be around, he was just that good of a person I miss him……. I miss him so much……

I WANT TO THANK HIM BECAUSE HE’S GIVEN ME THE CHANCE BY HIS UNTIMELY END TO REMIND ME THAT GOD IS ALL AROUND US and we’re just made out of flesh by God'S love and Will, AND AS WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND GOD’S WAYS BUT THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS DEEPER MEANINGS IN HIS ACTIONS. THAT GOD IS IN FACT LOOKING OVER US AT ALL TIMES WAITING WITH A FATHERLY PATIENCE FOR US TO REACH FOR HIM. THIS IS NOT AN END BUT THE BEGINNING, THE STARTING POINT FOR ALL OF WHOM MY BROTHER’S LIFE GRACEFULLY TOUCHED, TO LOOK INWARD, TO LOOK AROUND YOU, TO LOOK UP IN GOD’S DIRECTION, TO LOOK FOR WAYS TO BETTER YOURSELF AS A PERSON AND WHAT YOU ARE MISSING AS ONE, ALONG WITH HIS COMPANY. NOT ONLY ARE ALL THE FAITHFULLY DEPARTED IN HEAVEN BUT MY BIG BROTHER LOOKING OVER ALL OF US WITH HIS IRREPLACABLE SMILE.


ONE MEMORY IT’S ENGRAVED IN ME… MY DAD POINTING AT ONE PARTICULAR STAR, OF ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY. AS I HELD MY SON IN MY ARMS I REALIZED… I WITNESSED MY FATHER PAY A TRIBUTE TO HIS OWN SON, ,’ THAT STAR COULDN’T BE ANYONE BUT YOU’ HE SAID AS HE POINTED AT ONE BIG AND SHINY STAR THAT STOOD OUT. HE WENT ON, MUSTERING WORDS IN ALL HIS PAIN AND POINTING FIRMLY TO THE SKY. I KNOW MY DAD LOVE US ALL BUT MY BROTHER AND HE BEGAN THEIR NEW ROAD TOGETHER AND THEIR BOND WILL NEVER BE BROKEN.

… I KNOW MIGUEL AND I COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER BROTHER, MY PARENTS COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER SON, AND ALL OF YOU COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER AND SINCERE FRIEND. We all must remember that he lives within our souls and heart. And what a heart he had. A heart so colorful, warm and embraceful I can only compare it to the HEART OF THE SUNRISE.


THANK YOU ALL. I WILL ASK YOU TO JOIN ME IN A FERVANT ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR YOUR FRIEND MY BROTHER AND MY PARENTS SON WHO ALWAYS DREAMED TO BE A HERO, AND WHAT A HERO HE WAS!



(*)Heart of the Sunrise - Taku Iwasaki
(**) 252... February 25th, my brother's birthday and the day we were given the grim news.

THE PAIN DOESN'T GO AWAY... NEITHER DOES IT TRANSFORM... IT JUST LIVES, ENGRAVED, IN ALL OF US.

The Stones, U2 -twice Elevation Tour-, Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, Alejandro, el maestro que cambio mi vida Joaquin Sabina, Dylan, Bruce, Joni Mitchell, Lenny -once New Orleans-, Elton John, Jay-Z, los inolvidables trovas que nos forjaron, todos los grandes los rockAR, por supuesto que Mana -concierto con Luchito y Jose Cordoba-, El Tri, Cabral el grande, Public Enemy, el subliminal Miles Davis, Coltrane, Los hermanos Marsalys -New orleans jazz fest!- Drexler, un huevo de Jarabe, Almamegretta, Pino Danielle, Y CLARO!!! todita la salsa vieja que goze a forro en todas mis polladas!!! Eterno HECTOR!!!! y mi compare Joe Arroyo, y bueno, mucha musica mas, y todos mis 150 discos!
Aparte...
El fenomenal Ennio Morricone, el hombre que llega un lugar especial en cualquier alma sin importar el momento... The one who truly gives you not only the soundtrack of your life but the way to chase your dreams -and the perfect music to listen once you've found them.

Y por supuesto, la incomporable y adorable Miss Alicia Keys.

Favorite Song: Your Song y Cancion sin Emocion, inolvidables... Blackbird, como la 1ra cancion de bb!!!
Gimme Shelter -explosion of sound- Get that dirt off shoulder -best beat ever!

Favorite Album: Electric Ladyland, Let it bleed, Dark Side of the Moon, Bitches Brew, Acthung Baby, Cuando los Angeles Lloran, Mas, Giant Steps, Blonde on Blonde, Honestidad Brutal, Nos sobran los motivos................ OSAs: Beautiful Mind, Malena, Untouchables, Dracula (B.St), The Mission, Great Expectations Score, so on, so forth.

Doctor Zhivago, Do the right thing, Malcolm X, Cinderella Man, Beautiful Mind, El padrino I y II -mas la dos-, Untouchables, Scarface, Goodfellas, Annie Hall, Fear and loathing in las Vegas, Crash, I am Sam, Life is Beautiful, Pulp Fiction, Love Actually, Shakespeare..., El paciente Ingles, todos los especiales de Chris Rock, y... F... TITANIC!!!

Sex and the City -muy instructivo- Entourage, Simpsons, Seinfield EL MEJOR!!!, Frasier, Friends, etc tc tc

Me gusta leer sobre personajes, personas especiales y sus (auto)biografias.
Del resto, estoy retomandolo; generalmente en el trono.

Humility: Doing your best and let it largely speak for itself.
Luck favors the prepared man.
It is foolish to listen to someone who will not listen to you.